Feeling Stronger

Just an update on my friend. (Follow up post to Fragile, please read that first to get more background.) A little over a month ago (has it really been that long/short?) she was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. They hadn't decided any treatment or no treatment at that point, it was all just rushing quickly in to overwhelm us all.

It has been quite the roller coaster ride of emotion while doctors decided whether she was able to handle treatment, not knowing whether her body will respond to it or not. At one point, a couple weeks ago, they told her that she would not live more than four days. So we waited and said our goodbyes just in case. Me over in the corner holding out for some sort of miracle, begging God that this couldn't be it. And she's still alive. They changed their minds and started treatment; radiation then chemo. She is currently still undergoing radiation and has been responding beautifully to the treatment. I can only thank God for giving her this time and for giving me a new attitude.

She was released from the hospital Saturday. However, she is back in because some blood clots have formed in her lungs, so they want to monitor those as they progress with treatment. After visiting her last week, I am strongly encouraged because she was talking more like her normal self.

Two prayer requests: that her short term memory returns unscathed, that the blood clots smooth themselves out, and that radiation continues to show great signs of improvement. Ok, I guess that was actually three. I lied. Oh well.

Last time I talked about cherishing and appreciating the ones you are with. I admitted and still am admitting that I am not always 100% appreciative of the time my man gives to me (since time is the greatest gift of all). And I have been working on changing my attitude, because who wants to hang with an ungrateful nag anyways? Not me. I really feel that, while I am not perfect, I have been making great strides in the right direction. I am holding on just a little bit tighter to all the loves in my life because if I died tomorrow, I want them to remember how much I loved them. I am working on cherishing my cutie, because he deserves to be cherished by the woman he loves.

Hang on tight to all your loved ones, remember that every day is such a blessing. And if you need someone to talk to, there is always one God who is listening in eager anticipation.

As for me, God is granting me my miracle, one day at a time.

Love Always,

Joanna Rose

Fragile

This was not the post I was originally intending on writing. Originally, I was writing a post about my recent exploits in the methods of a more frugal lifestyle. Another time.

Right now, I have more pressing matters in my head and my heart. All I can think about is how short life is and how no matter how much I plan on doing in the future, those plans can change instantly in one short minute.

A week ago a close friend of mine was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. And as more doctor's visits come and go and treatment options are explored, it just keeps looking worse and worse. She's younger than you'd expect someone with cancer to be. She's got plans for the years ahead.

The news hit me pretty hard-I'm still reeling-and I can't focus on anything. I think of all the people in her life. Her husband and the love that I could hear in his voice as he talked to her in the hospital. How if she were to leave this world, he'd be left without his partner, the one who was supposed to walk beside him for the rest of their lives. I can't imagine how heart-wrenching it must have been to hear from the doctor that this situation has gotten so hopeless. Her kids to lose their mother before they have a chance to finish growing up themselves. I can not imagine.

I think about my own partner. I think how utterly destroyed I would feel if something happened to him, before we even had gotten a chance to start a life together. Completely distraught. I think of all the people in this world that I love, of whose lives I am chose to no longer be as active a participant as I want to be.

And I think about her words to my boss and friend, "Cherish [your family], those moments are precious." I don't know the last time I cherished moments with my boyfriend or my family or moments with any one person who matters to me. It's been a while.

I am not saying that I will all of a sudden start to cherish everyone like never before. But I should probably be more intentional about showing it to them. I'm not perfect, so I know it may take some time.

Today was especially rough, cried at my desk off and on for four hours. And then on the bus. And now as I write this. I know everything will happen as God intends it to happen. And I am sad over the possibility of losing a friend. But God has given me the most wonderful man, who helps me to want to cherish every moment. Because every. single. moment. is one that should be cherished. I am so thankful. For everything. But really, I am thankful for this:

I can't explain it, but this lets me know that everything will work out. My prayer is now for a miracle against all odds. God, I am begging for a miracle. I want need a miracle. I am not ready for this obstacle you have given me. I will be an ostrich. I will stick my head in the proverbial sand. I will not let her go. Please don't let her go.

Please dear friends, cherish your family and other loved ones. And please, please pray for my friend. Pray for a miracle. Pray for healing, and love.

Love you all,

Joanna