Fragile

This was not the post I was originally intending on writing. Originally, I was writing a post about my recent exploits in the methods of a more frugal lifestyle. Another time.

Right now, I have more pressing matters in my head and my heart. All I can think about is how short life is and how no matter how much I plan on doing in the future, those plans can change instantly in one short minute.

A week ago a close friend of mine was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer. And as more doctor's visits come and go and treatment options are explored, it just keeps looking worse and worse. She's younger than you'd expect someone with cancer to be. She's got plans for the years ahead.

The news hit me pretty hard-I'm still reeling-and I can't focus on anything. I think of all the people in her life. Her husband and the love that I could hear in his voice as he talked to her in the hospital. How if she were to leave this world, he'd be left without his partner, the one who was supposed to walk beside him for the rest of their lives. I can't imagine how heart-wrenching it must have been to hear from the doctor that this situation has gotten so hopeless. Her kids to lose their mother before they have a chance to finish growing up themselves. I can not imagine.

I think about my own partner. I think how utterly destroyed I would feel if something happened to him, before we even had gotten a chance to start a life together. Completely distraught. I think of all the people in this world that I love, of whose lives I am chose to no longer be as active a participant as I want to be.

And I think about her words to my boss and friend, "Cherish [your family], those moments are precious." I don't know the last time I cherished moments with my boyfriend or my family or moments with any one person who matters to me. It's been a while.

I am not saying that I will all of a sudden start to cherish everyone like never before. But I should probably be more intentional about showing it to them. I'm not perfect, so I know it may take some time.

Today was especially rough, cried at my desk off and on for four hours. And then on the bus. And now as I write this. I know everything will happen as God intends it to happen. And I am sad over the possibility of losing a friend. But God has given me the most wonderful man, who helps me to want to cherish every moment. Because every. single. moment. is one that should be cherished. I am so thankful. For everything. But really, I am thankful for this:

I can't explain it, but this lets me know that everything will work out. My prayer is now for a miracle against all odds. God, I am begging for a miracle. I want need a miracle. I am not ready for this obstacle you have given me. I will be an ostrich. I will stick my head in the proverbial sand. I will not let her go. Please don't let her go.

Please dear friends, cherish your family and other loved ones. And please, please pray for my friend. Pray for a miracle. Pray for healing, and love.

Love you all,

Joanna